Scaffolding a Tree

If you’ve ever purchased a plant, brought it home, and transplanted it into the ground, you’ve likely seen a stake tied to the trunk of the plant, positioning it upright and steady.  It serves as a scaffold to support the young life as it acclimates to its new environment

Imperatively, the stake must at some point in time be removed; however, the timing of when to do so is somewhat precarious.  Remove it too early, when the roots have yet to establish and anchor it,  the plant might be unable to tolerate environmental stressors which might stunt or kill the tree.  Wait too long, and the tree might become enmeshed with the stake, leaving is wounded and exposed to infection when the stake is ripped away. Or, the healthy tree might become disfigured as it struggles between its own natural impulse for upward growth and strength against the pull of the rigidly constricting post holding it back.

Some people come to therapy because their first relational experience with a caretaker wasn’t quite ideal.  Either they were forced to grow up too soon without support needed as they solidified their foundation; Or, they might have felt tethered by or entangled with a guardian, unable to safely experiment with their own autonomy.  

Therapy, much like the ideal growth of children from appropriate dependence to self-determination, should ultimately share the goal of healthy separation.  Preparing our clients to launch, we facilitate the emergence of their belief and trust that they already have the all the skills and strength they need to handle life’s stressors, while committing to staying supportive as long as they need us.  There is no precise timeline for how long this process requires, as everyone individuates at different rates.  But as long as we trust that, just as the natural tendency of trees is to reach naturally for the strongest light (the sun) and establish stable trunks and balanced crowns while doing so, our patients also have the capacity for grounded stability and strength, we can confidently help frame them just as long as necessary.