Being both (Glenda and the Wicked Witch)

“I’m such a horrible person”.

Many of us resonate with the desire to shed the undesirable parts of ourselves, and exist as only the “good”.  

In motherhood especially, I’ve spoken with clients who idealize the self sacrificing “earth mother” archetype- perennially available and responsive, exuding warmth and nonjudgmental acceptance no matter what behaviors the child exhibits.  Any deviation from those desirable characteristics can illicit extreme shame.  (For example: when the infant cries at 3 am, the impulse to yell “shut up, enough already!”, or when the teenager throws critiques at the depriving parent to want to reply “stop being such an entitled brat”). 

It is important to realize that, in depriving ourselves of understanding our “wicked” parts, we risk cutting out the important intentions those parts “carry”.  These parts often are doing their best to preserve a sense of independence (I am more that just a mother), of pride in our work (I have values and good intentions), self-sufficiency (I can do this), humanism (I need a break too sometimes).  To try and melt them away by pouring a bucket of water on them is a disservice to our true self. 

As humans, we are inevitably intertwined in relationships with others (be it: the parent, the lover, the friend, or the employee, among others).  Almost all of us have encountered this pull between the desirable parts and those we wish to hide.  It is my hope that we can practice nurturing love and acceptance and gratitude for all of the parts that make us whole.